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Options 787 to 797
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You gain a health bar with 10 hearts. If your heath ever reaches 0, you die - but it is impossible to die in any other way.
The most damage any one event can cause you is 6 hearts. However minor things (anything as painful as stubbing your toe) all do 1 heart of damage. Injuries in between these two extremes do a proportionate amount of damage.
You regenerate 1 heart per week. Your injuries heal as the hearts of damage they caused heal.
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The other option this is paired with happens to you and also happens to your twenty worst enemies
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Be able to eat whatever you wanted, but have to eat dog meat at least once a month
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Destroy an original, working, Super Nintendo
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Be named Xysdoqhnfheoiszzdk
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Sit on a public toilet seat that is unpleasantly warm.
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Sell illicit substances
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A cat was elected leader of your country
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Be an idiot everyone thinks is a genius
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Jar-Jar is digitally added throughout the entire plot of the original Star Wars trilogy, including speaking lines. Versions without this no longer exist, and no-one else remembers it ever being any different, except for you.