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Options 1428 to 1438
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Be a dwarf
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You were abducted by aliens and returned a day later with an unremovable ear tag and tracking collar.
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Grow up in an orphanage
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Have a prominent pair of tusks
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Be married to Tom Brady
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The government is spying on your every move (just for fun)
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Have hedgehog spines covering your back and scalp
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Every email or text you send is misinterpreted
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Fall into a vat of painfully hot, but not boiling, water
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You no longer have to eat to stay alive, however, you always feel as if you are absolutely starving