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Options 1673 to 1683
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Have no thumbs
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Chaperone a middleschool dance forever
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Be Jabba the Hutt
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Everyone thinks that you're actually a dog and treats you like one
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An unkillable spirit of vengeance keeps striking you repeatedly with an ordinary tablespoon. Each blow is only a minor annoyance, and you can run away from it for brief periods of time, but it will always follow you and will never, ever stop.
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Humanity is brought to the brink of extinction by a pandemic.
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Drink a glass half full of methanol and half full of mercury
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Wake up one morning to find that, although you haven't actually changed genders, you look like you have.
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Forget about everyone you know
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Whenever anyone can see you you turn instantly into an unbreakable statue. Whenever nobody can see you any more you change back.