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  1. Watch 300 hours of C-SPAN when everyone is getting along
  2. Club a baby seal
  3. People went to the bathroom in their back yards and then collected it in baggies to be thrown away
  4. Time moves backwards
  5. Be obsessive compulsive
  6. Whenever you told a lie your pants caught fire
  7. Go bald
  8. A zombie apocalypse breaks out in your home town. Anyone killed by a zombie becomes one.
  9. You get weekends off normally, and 3 weeks of vacation per year. But you must work 16 hour days.
  10. Your eyeballs become 10% smaller


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