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  1. Have everyone sing The Unbirthday song from Alice in Wonderland to you every day but be ignored on your real birthday
  2. Embrace stoicism
  3. The only computer you can use from now on is an iPad
  4. Find one cockroach every time you open your toilet
  5. Your two closest male co-workers walk up to your desk, pee on it (while chatting about sports) then walk away as if nothing happened
  6. Everything look like claymation to you
  7. The Great Lakes cease to exist
  8. Never get married
  9. Wake up one morning to find you have changed genders
  10. Have pyrokinesis but you are severely burned every time you use it


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