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You have to pick:

Have a casual acquaintance die of a medical condition in your living room
 
or
 
A genie appears and grants you three wishes. It's the kind of genie that will deliberately try to twist the literal wording of your wishes in ways you won't like, though if you take enough care you can ensure that there's very little room for misinterpretation.

 
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sojikari

As long as it isn't contagious...

sojikari

<--I'm going that way, this time.

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