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Options 1813 to 1823
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Be continuously farting at all times
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Wake up with two heads. The other head is that of a perfect stranger who is just as surprised to wake up like this as you are. Each of you controls just one side of your shared body.
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Excrete a porcupine
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Eat a snot pie
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Every time you see a beautiful girl you turn into a manatee
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All the riboflavin in your body is suddenly replaced by niacin
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A nuclear war devastates the world. Exposure to biological weapons mutates you and a few thousand other people into monstrous humanoid cockroach-like creatures capable of thriving in the wasteland.
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Get 3rd degree burns on 1/3 of your body
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Have a boil growing on the side of your neck that cannot be removed
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Be murdered by leprechauns