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Options 1112 to 1122
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Correct grammar was enforced in all contexts (including chat and texting). Each mistake was automatically punished with a $1 fine.
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Be the oldest person on earth
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Have everyone sing The Unbirthday song from Alice in Wonderland to you every day but be ignored on your real birthday
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Embrace stoicism
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Everyone you ever meet forgets your name
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Eat cat food
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Only be allowed to eat hamburgers
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The only computer you can use from now on is an iPad
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Your two closest male co-workers walk up to your desk, pee on it (while chatting about sports) then walk away as if nothing happened
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The Great Lakes cease to exist